SNL Review: Eli Manning

Host Eli Manning was pretty stiff, but quite game and willing to make fun of himself.  He also dressed up in drag, because, ha-ha, big, tough guy in women's clothing equals funny, right?  Wrong.  Blame SNL for lazy writing.  You can't really knock a charming football player because of his lack of comic timing, can you?  I can't.  At least, he tried.  Remember Nancy Kerrigan from years ago?  Yikes.  But, truth be told, it was a pretty underwhelming episode.

Fox & Friends Cold Open brings out their usual band of conservative dolts.  They interview Rupert Murdoch (Fred Armisen).  During his opening monologue, Manning introduces his wife and teammates in the audience and then takes questions from the cast members.  The most humorous skit of the night was the pretaped Amazon Mother's Day-themed commercial pushing the book Fifty Shades of Grey, where an assortment of family members walk in on mom while she's pleasuring herself.  In Motion Capture, some television producers have Tim Tebow (Taran Killam) dressed in a black leotard peppered with white balls perform his signature move in front of a green screen.  They then bring out Eli Manning (as himself) to create his own original bit.  He can’t come up with anything close to iconic; in fact, his attempts are intentional weak.  In Text Message Evidence, there’s a court case where a man’s alibi depends on transcripts of his sexting.  A “Little Brothers” commercial has Manning seeking revenge on the behalf of boys who get picked on by their older bros.  WXPD New York’s Herb Welch is back interviewing Occupy Wall Street members. 

On Weekend Update with Seth Meyers, Kristen Wiig rolls into the news desk as tanning mom Patricia Krentcil, smoking from a recent session.  Best line: “Now, I have the look every woman wants: Wile E. Coyote right after something has blown up in his face.”  Also: “Piece of bread, put it between my thighs: toast.”  The second guest is a surprise appearance from Sacha Baron Cohen as the Supreme General Aladeen plugging The Dictator while pulling out a captive Martin Scorsese, one of the many major cinematic icons he has tortured into endorsing his new movie.    

In the game show “What Is This?”  Abby Elliott as the relationship-minded host, quizzes contestants by showing them pictures and asking them to identify them.  Two teachers get some pretty easy questions, but the third contestant, a guy she has been dating, gets run through the ringers.  She’s pretty pissed off with Ryan and throws out lines like, “I don’t want to be “Kim from bar,” but that’s still my name in your phone.”  Helga Lately is the Swedish version of Chelsea Lately.  Kate McKinnon plays the host with panelists Killam, Wiig, and Kenan Thompson making up Scandinavian words sounding mostly like the Swedish chef muppet.  Fred Armisen plays Scandinavian Handler’s little nugget.  Every now and then they throw out English words.  There is also a Scandinavian version of the Kardashians, as well as a blond wigged Manning as her special guest. 

Illusions club hosts Miss Drag World with Armisen, Bobby Moynihan, and Manning dressed up as women.  In TCM's The Essentials with host Robert Osbourne (Jason Sudekis) revisits Cheech & Chong films which starred Richard Armstrong, their third compadre, played by Manning.  

Rihanna brought out her ho-ass for her “Talk That Talk” song in front of a spider web and a laser light show.  For her second song “Where Have You Been,” she struts across her boudoir with a disco desert landscape in the background.  At one point, after lifting the look and moves from some old Janet Jackson video, they start river-dancing for a few seconds.  There were some kind of audio issues or a problem, if the irritated looks on her face and frustrated giggles meant anything.  



2011-2012 Breakdown (so far)


Best SNL episodes this season: Alec Baldwin, Will Ferrell, Maya Rudolph, Emma Stone, 


Not Bad: Charles Barkley, Jimmy Fallon


Bad Host Tanks Through Really Good Writing: Lindsay Lohan


One-Skit Wonder: Steve Buscemi (the Miley Cyrus/Whitney Houston satire)


Willing and Able Hosts Fall Prey to Poor Writing: Eli Manning, Melissa McCarthy, Daniel Radcliffe, Jason Segel, Channing Tatum


Just Plain Bad: Ben Stiller, Anna Faris, Charlie Day, Katy Perry, Jonah Hill, Sofia Vergara, Josh Brolin


Haven't Seen: Zooey Deschanel