I Hope Ashton's Hand Ain't His Only Wrapped Appendage

So, I offered my unsolicited opinion on the Demi Moore/Ashton Kutchie divorce stalemate.  My idiotic take was for her daughters to shut the hell up about wanting their mother to move on.  My unicorn-and-rainbow theory was that Moore's stubbornness would payoff (if you define payoff, like I do, as Mila Kunis leaving Kutchie's ass and moving on to a suitor more suitable for her charm and beauty).  Well, I feel horrible for harboring such a wish, because it's clearly taking a toll on beautiful Mila.  Oh, Mila, only two years ago, Black Swan was opening.  You almost got an Oscar nod and starred in one of the few legitimately great Best Picture nominees in a long while.  Last year, you played a hot young headhunter with that curly blond 'N Sync guy in a flat rom-com to respectable grosses.  This last year, you were the love interest in rare surprise talking-bear comedy hit Ted where you tried to make beer jokes and look cute.  Now, you have the soon-to-bomb Dr. Oz movie opposite that over-inflated ego called James Franco.  You're chained at the hip to Obnoxious Kutcher after what was supposed to be a few dates for old time's sake.  And, you look and dress like you've given up on life.  I know he's picking up dog poop and that's chivalrous and all, but you can pay someone to do that.  You don't need him.  Leave those 70s behind.  Please.

[Image via Celebitchy]