Opening This Weekend: People Tyler Perry Likes (i.e. Magic Mike)

This weekend Luke Kirby will not be opening Magic Mike

Well, we've been waiting for Magic Mike and his posse for ages, and they are finally here!  Channing Tatum, Matt Bomer, Joe Manganiello, and Alex Pettyfer, playing strippers?  Four cheers for Hollywood!  And, a fifth, I suppose, if you're like most of my girlfriends who swear by Matthew McConaug-Hey-A!  Mark Wallberg won't be taking off his clothes (to my knowledge) like he did in Boogie Nights to show off a prosthetic, but he will have a nude costar in Ted.  Mila Kunis also costars.  The trailer I watched used The Heavy's cover of Kool Moe Dee's "How Ya Like Me Now," also utilized by Horrible Bosses last year.  Wahlberg has taken a great interest in comedy lately and this is The Family Guy Seth MacFarlane's first time writing, producing, or directing a feature-lenght film.  It's probably worth a look.  Stepping out on his own from under JJ Abrams' umbrella is Alex Kurtzman.  He gives Chris Pine the leading man treatment in People Like Us, three years post-Star Trek (guess that's why he left his boutique agency).  

[Photo via My New Plaid Pants]

For those who are immune to Tatum's charm and/or hot male stripping, you can check out Tyler Perry's latest (though, I imagine he'll be hosting a private Magic screening in his home).  Perry, whose living-in-his-car-ass has been kissed by Oprah and his life has never been the same since, is one of the few people who can actually turn a legitimate profit at the box-office.  I just wished I could enjoy his crappy movies.  I honestly do.  But, I don't have the chip in my brain to allow it.  His movies either have his name or the moniker of his famous alter-ego in each title (or both, I don't know; there's a surprising discrepancy between IMDb and Box Office Mojo).  This time, it's his drag persona's turn. She's hiding out in Madea's Witness Protection Program.  Perhaps that's where she should stay.  The last time you (surely not me) or someone else saw her, she had a Big Happy Family.  Her Madea franchise is her most profitable, so it's not surprisingly that the years between these cheaply made films with a built-in audience is getting shorter and shorter.  Also not surprising is Perry's appeal doesn't extend beyond North American (or U.S.) borders, so the rest of the world doesn't seem to be buying into her bullshit.  And the last one only made 2/3rds of the previous installment when Madea Goes to Jail.  


Americans and the rest of the Western civilized world are allowed to live as whomever they choose.  If you're not breaking the law (or have the money for the best lawyer in town), you can make whatever decision you want to.  People can criticize you, but the more money you have, the more protected you are from their slings and arrows.  There is just something about a grown man doing drag who just doesn't simply acknowledge the obvious.  And it only takes three words (two of which make a contraction).  Not that I need to know about his personal life, it's just so awkward and (not?) out there.  While it's hard to compare it to an actor doing black-face, it runs through a similar vein.  I can't describe it any other way.  But, it's his life, so I should just shut up, right?  Still, by not coming out, he "protects" his base of audience (which isn't exactly experiencing a growth spurt as of late), and continues to perpetuate his multimillion dollar empire from his fat Atlanta throne.  Am I jealous?  Perhaps.  Do I admire him?  In some ways.  His rags-to-riches story is awe-inspiring, to say the least.  Do I respect him?  Like, he or anyone even gives a shit.  Ack!  I need to stopping hating on Perry.  Sorry to be so alienating.  I hope this is the last time I am.  But, be forewarned, he'll be smelling up Morgan Freeman's legacy as Alex Cross later this year.  Ugh.  But, hey, he didn't write, produce, or direct, so perhaps it might be good.  We'll see.  


There are A LOT of mainstream choices this weekend (which is rare), though, if you'll note, every lead in all four films are MALE.  It will be interesting to see how things will flesh out, so to speak.  Already having opened on Wednesday is the much anticipated Beasts of the Southern Wild, which has wowed audiences at Sundance, Cannes, and LA film festivals.  From Toronto last year, is Sarah Polley's Take This Waltz with Michelle Williams and Luke Kirby.  Unforgivable just played at LAFF; I had a ticket and couldn't go.  What a mistake!  There is also The Last Ride starring all growed-up Elliott from E.T. as a drunk and disillusioned Hank Williams.  Egads, everybody stop getting old!  And Jonathan Demme directs a documentary about another music legend in Neil Young Journeys.

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Opening This Weekend: Pixar Warrior Princess, Armageddon Comedy, and President Buffy

Cutie Dominic Cooper stars in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Brave opens the widest this weekend. It will be interesting to see how well the normally boy-centric Pixar does with audiences as it offers up its first female protagonist to drive its story, a warrior princess no less. Many have observed in the wake of such recent successes as The Hunger Games and Snow White and the Huntsman, it's becoming more likely for males to go see an action film about a females. The reviews have been respectable, so here's to its success.


Also opening is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which isn't enjoying such a welcome reception. If you know your history, Lincoln wasn't just serving as president during the Civil War, but throwing the patriotic stake into them eternal bloodsuckers. From the look of the trailer, I can't say that I'm a fan of some of the sepian colored daytime scenes that look to be shot by either an Arri Flex or Phantom Flex digital camera and the voice-over is just a little too polished.

Rising Star TJ Miller in Seeking a Friend

Keira Knightley is trying a new career move by doing a conceptual romantic comedy with audience favorite Steve Carell in Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Am I the only one who thought about Evan Almighty while watching this trailer and is that not something the studio might like to have considered before green-lighting this project? But, it has coach's wife Tammy Taylor taking on a fun character! And, I also spied Melanie Lynskey and TJ Miller, a rising actor who first gained notoriety in Cloverfield. He cameoed in Our Idiot Brother and Rock of Ages and is absolutely brilliant. "Hi, welcome to Friendzy's, where everyone's your friend." Woody Allen is coming out with his annual film and the critics seem to be suggesting that To Rome With Love is less Vicky Cristina Barcelona/Midnight in Paris and more Whatever Works/You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger. Still, isn't an average Allen film as good as an above average movie playing in the cinema nearest you? Martin Sheen plays an Irish priest in Stella Days. Also opening is Kirby Dick's documentary The Invisible War examining military sexual misconduct. It played at Sundance and for free during the LA Film Festival. This trailer offers this startling claim: "Military women are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire." Another documentary Kumare takes a page out of Sacha Baron Cohen's book and starts his own eastern religion as an experiment.

Surfing towards the end of the world in Seeking a Friend

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Opening This Weekend: Of Mice & Men Children

Save Milo Ventimiglia's
backside, save the world

Adam Sandler is coming out with his annual big-budget crapfest.  Say what you will about him, but he's a workhorse, comparatively speaking.  Seriously, he has starred in a comedy and/or drama every year since 2002 (half the time, two in one year).  He has few movies audiences have taken to, mostly the dramatic fare.  Out of his TWENTY-FOUR feature live-action films, only FOUR have an RT (barely) fresh rating--all of them dramas outside of modern classic The Wedding Singer.  Many people swear on Sandler being a cinematic wart on the face of today's movies, but I guess I'm juvenile enough to appreciate him (sometimes).  Don't Mess with the Zohan was hilarious and I was laughing more times than not during the extremely stupid Just Go With It, which happened to be the very first film I ever reviewed for Cinesnatch.  I was sober, so I don't know what my excuse was.

Anyway, Sandler, who usually takes on a talented actress in need of raising her commercial profile as his costar, is giving the spotlight to Andy Samberg (whose name I always have to think about typing out, to make sure I'm not mixing him up with, coincidentally, Sandler), having recently departed SNL along with Kristen Wiig.  Samberg will play his more responsible son (they have twelve years between them in real life) in a premise with a Mary Kay Letourneauesque starting off point (which explains the twelve years).  It also stars Gossip Girl Blair Waldorf's Leighton Meester and Heroes' recently roidly ripped Milo Ventimiglia.  It includes lines like "Throw it, you big vagina.  Do it."  The rule here is to keep one's expectations very low.

Also opening is Rock of Ages.  The reviews have been shockingly unforgiving.  Sometimes, I just feel way out of touch with the critics (the aforementioned Just Go, as well as Bad Teacher being recent examples).  It was really an entertaining movie with some heart and you could do much worse (*cough*Mamma Mia!*cough*Burlesque*cough*).  Seriously.  Lainey appreciated its cheese, but she wasn't shy about ripping Adam Shankman a new one.  Her reaction of his work was kind of the opposite of mine.  Also on tap is HBO Films' The Artist Is Present about the polarizing Yugoslavian Marina Abramovic.  Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap details the history of hip hop through some of its pioneers as well as cultural offspring and other celebrities.  Emily Blunt is 0/2 in 2012, but Your Sister's Sister looks quite promising.  My belief is that she will eventually catch with audiences and find higher-profile roles, but it's probably not going to happen anytime soon.  Well, that's what I'm telling myself.

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Opening this Weekend: Charlize Theron Part II of II

Chace Crawford serves up something
delicious for Elizabeth Olsen in
Peace, Love and Misunderstanding

Finally, Prometheus is here.  Are you excited?  Are you seeing it?  Have you caught up on Alien, Aliens, Alien3, and Alien Resurrection?  It's probably not even necessary.  Having watched the first will probably be more than sufficient.  Also opening wide is another Madagascar movie.  Will Lola Versus turn Greta Gerwig into a star, or will she have to wait?  Robert Pattinson romances Uma Thurman, Kristin Scott Thomas, AND Christina Ricci in Bel Ami.  Elizabeth Olsen got the opportunity to work with Catherine Keener and screen legend Jane Fonda in Peace, Love and Misunderstanding.  NBC sitcom character actors travel back in time in the comedy Safety Not Guaranteed.  Patagonia Rising is a documentary dealing with corporation Chilean dam-building against the backdrop of the mountainous locals.  Also, Double Trouble.

poll by twiigs.com

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Opening This Weekend: Charlize Theron Part I of II

Matt Bush covers up his shrub

 And, finally, the "other Snow White" film will open.  It only seems like yesterday when the movie posters when up last December for Snow White and the Huntsman.  Can you believe that was five months ago?  Guess we'll see if first-time feature director Rupert Sanders has the goods.

Jean-Luc Biolodeau in Piranha 3DD

For those of you who can't get enough "battle" in your moving going experience, there will be Battlefield America, except I'm unsure as to the crossover audience from Battleship.  It's a dance competition movie brought to you by the creators of You Got Served and the pint-size protagonists in this movie look pretty mean and hungry enough to rip off a few limbs for the top dance prize.  Andy Garcia plays a revolutionary in the historic drama For Greater Glory, that answers the question: what happened to the girl who got nominated for an Oscar playing drug mule Maria, Full of Grace?   It also screened at the recent Hola Mexico Film Festival.  It stars Eva Longoria, who is no longer a Desperate Housewife.

Ving Rhames pulling a Rose McGowan

Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, and a few others are back for Piranha 3DD.  Perhaps the change in directors will actually bring camp this time to the venture.  Pink Ribbon, Inc. exposes the dirty little secret behind corporate greed and the breast cancer symbol.  High School hijinks with Adrien Brody as a bug-eyed psycho drug dealer and new fresh face Matt Bush.  Also look out for: Ultimate Fighter Anderson Silver documentary Like Water, 5 Broken Cameras, Indian film Rowdy Rathore, Paul Williams Still Alie, Chely Wright: Wish Me Away, and A Cat in Paris. 

And the role of Steve in the motion picture version of Blue's Clues goes to ...

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Opening This Weekend: A Break in the Stormy Weather that is Will Smith's Career?

From vampire to rodeo star

So, after years of being off the silver screen, Will Smith is coming back, and considering his last movie underperformed, he's playing it safe, returning with Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black 3.  Except, he's disposing of Jones as his main costar and replacing him for the most part with his 21-year-old 44-year-old equivalent Josh Brolin, because, apparently, it was really important to set this film in the 1960s and there just wasn't any actor any younger than Brolin with his name recognition and impersonation abilities.  And, also, ha-ha, Agent Kay never looked young, even at 21.  The previous sequel did fine the last time Smith needed a career boost, so we'll see if audiences are tiring of him or still in love after all these years.  But, my, oh, my, did Smith kind of overreact when the Ukrainian version of Sacha Baron Cohen Vitalii Sediuk started kissing him at a premiere?  It's not like he tried to press a hot poker up his ass.

Also going wide is Chernobyl Diaries, a Paranormal Activity take on the 1986 Soviet tragedy.  The whole project sounds ignorant and tasteless.  But, perhaps the audience is suppose to root for the deaths of the arrogant American teens on their "extreme tourism" escapade.  In that case, Team Ukrainian Ghosts.

Cute as a button and precocious Bailee Madison stars in Cowgirls n' Angels.  I can't decide if I want to adopt her or have her adopt me.  I spied two actors from Friday Night Lights; one of them is Alicia Witt who thinks she knows better than Madison.  She's a real downer too: "The rodeo is no place for a little girl, absolutely not."  And: "You actually think you're gonna just stroll into every rodeo and say, 'Hi, I'm Ida, which one of you is my daddy.'" (I think she's referencing the Lace miniseries from the 1980s.)  Madison has it all planned out though and gets the last laugh: "Maybe if I didn't know his name, but I do.  And, it's Walker, so Hah!"  As well, she learns a fancy riding trick called the Hippodrome, line-dances, and just looks darling.  Yee-haw!

In limited release, Wes Andersen fans can finally breathe as Moonrise Kingdom comes out.  OC87 is a documentary made by an Asperger's man who also deals with other mental illnesses concerning his plight.  The Intouchables is a French film about a disabled man who finds a new lease on life with his caretaker.

poll by twiigs.com

Previous OTW:
May 25

May 18
May 11
May 4
April 27

April 20

April 13

April 6

March 30

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Opening This Weekend: You Sunk My Childhood

Brandon Routh gratuity from sports
comedy Crooked Arrows

Battleship opens this weekend.  Did you ever play the board game as a kid?  Do you still play it?  While you hoped you placed your ships strategically and deceptively enough to fool your opponent, you got to slowly recreate their own layout with red and white pegs and beat them to the punch.  Tell me you didn't get a thrill out of hearing, "You sunk my battleship!"  (How are the screenwriters going to work that line into the new movie?  Stupidly, I'm guessing!)  I suppose computers have been substituted these days for the more tangible game sets.  And, now, you can relive a non-participatory simulation on the big screen!  Except there is very little connection between the game and the movie, from what the trailer shows me other than: 1) the title, 2) battleships, and 3) ocean water supporting the battleships.  I also saw aliens, fame whore domestic abusee Rihanna, two stars from Friday Night Lights, and a huge attempt to leech off the financial success of those awful Michael Bay Transformers movies.  Honestly, who comes up with this shit?  Why, the Hoeber siblings who brought us Red and Whiteout (the colors of the Battleship pegs!) and are making Universal Pictures lotsa money overseas right now.  Thanks guys!  Hope your success bears some actual artistic fruit one of these days.

Hugh Dancy in period costume

Also coming out is What to Expect When You're Expecting, the pregnancy comedy that is taking the Nine Months approach to human gestation, because, ha-ha, men preparing for childbirth is SO funny.  At least, that seems to be the change in marketing strategy as of late.  I guess the wedding genre has been played out.  Anyone else notice that the two names that have been headlining the most recently (Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz) are being sold as tagalongs?

And, finally, on the big-screen count, talented Sacha Baron Cohen is attempting a comeback of sorts after the Borat star's ill-received Austrian hairstylist Bruno (I liked it; it was wrong, but so right) with The Dictator.  Unlike his first two leading roles, instead of playing fake characters in the real world documentary style, he's going to try narrative-fiction.  Larry Charles directed the first two and has extensive experience in TV with writing, directing, and/or producing such shows as Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm and has taken the helm for this project.  Cohen's three cowriters are all from the same pot.  Costar Anna Farris lends her chops for a comic assist.  I'm not going to hold my breath, but I am crossing my fingers, slightly.

Samuel L. Jackson plays The Samaritan or the shit-kicking renegade he plays in every movie.  The trailer starts with a philosophical voice-over conjuring up memories of The Shawshank Redemption and then proceeds to spoil every plot element of the movie.  When is Jackson going to do something bold like play gay.  Isn't he bored?

Speaking of gay, Dustin Lance Black won an Oscar for screenwriting Milk and then got to direct his own movie Virginia criticizing his old religion.  Now, it's getting released three years later.  Perhaps, he should have tried to hold off the release of his sex tape until now.  His career might be an interesting case study compared to Diablo Cody's.  Emma Roberts is in the credits, yet conspicuously missing from the trailer.

Former Superman Brandon Routh and his five o'clock shadow mustache coach The Mighty Ducks, except, this time, they're the Native Americans Lacrosse team Crooked Arrows.  Cutie Hugh Dancy discovers the vibrator in Hysteria and shares his findings with Maggie Gyllenhaal and other females.  Love the music in Russian film Elena.  French film Polisse.  Dance documentary Never Stand Still.  The creators of The Blair Witch Project are back with Lovely Molly.  And self-absorbed white and weird American Animal.

[Picture via Lazy Circles]

Previous OTW:

May 18
May 11
May 4
April 27

April 20

April 13

April 6

March 30

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Opening This Weekend: Dueling Eva's

Yummy Luke Treadaway

The big release for the week is Tim Burton's latest venture with Johnny Depp: Dark Shadows.  It also stars film legend Michelle Pfeiffer, as well as Eva Green and, of course, Mrs. Burton herself, Helena Bonham Carter.  The Depp/Burton partnership has been quite disappointing as of late (will they ever have another Ed Wood in them?).  The cast is full of great actors and the tone is quite campy with lines such as "You may strategically place your wonderful lips on my posterior and kiss it repeatedly."  The art direction is pretty sick and Chloë "Grace" Moretz actually looks bearable.  Too bad it's not rated R.  Boo.  But, still, one can still hope ... While Burton shines when he offers his own original creations (as well as the biography), his trade is mostly in updating literary and pop classic material.  He gravitates to the mythic qualities of many genres: novellas, operetta, trading car series, and, of course, movie/TV remakes.  The latter is the well he draws from the most frequently, the last example being the above average Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Here's hoping Barnabas Collins and 1960s vampire soap opera taps into Burton's strengths as a filmmaker: negotiating through the crazy world's of eclectic, misunderstood protagonists.

We also have what looks to be a lighter, female version of A Better Life: Eva Mendes stars as a working class Latina in a mother/daughter coming-of-age Girl in Progress.  A bit of comical take on Taxi Driver, a fed-up Frank and his young partner in crime dispatch the world of all the idiots that inhabit it one asshole at a time in God Bless America.  Two Australian horse-racing brothers compete for The Cup.  A stranger is handcuffed the whole day to super hot Luke Treadaway in Tonight You're Mine during a musical festival.  A French man investigates the murder of a woman who paraded around like Marilyn Monroe in Nobody Else But You.  Lebanese comedy-drama Where Do We Go Now examines life in a small, religious town.  Also scheduled to open in Indian film Dangerous Ishhq, for which I couldn't find an English-language or subtitled trailer.

Previous OTW:

May 18
May 11
May 4
April 27

April 20

April 13

April 6

March 30

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Opening This Weekend: Whedon Domination

Kate Hudson gets a front row look
at Gael García Bernal's Body Double

So, this is the weekend that Marvel's The Avengers drops.  Are you excited?  The reviews have been exceptional and place it around the reception of the original Iron Man.  Very few people are saying bad things about it.  But, leave it up to me to contemplate blindly empathizing with the small margin of dissenters.  I suppose I'll see it if circumstances dictate such (and subsequently like it).  I've already seen The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and am curious to see how it will play with audiences.  Also, I caught The Perfect Family featuring Kathleen Turner last summer at Outfest.  With a small number of films opening, that only leaves dance competition documentary First Position and A Little Bit of Heaven.

Heaven filmed years ago in New Orleans and stars maneater Kate Hudson opposite Mexican eye candy Gael García Bernal in this romantic comedy-drama.  She experiences a "life changing event" according to the plot description, though the trailer gets more specific, which leads to love with Bernal as well as some professional boundaries getting crossed.  They go hang-gliding, her vegetarian mother played by Kathy Bates feeds her steak and she buds around with Rosemarie DeWitt and Lucy Punch.  Also, it appears she interacts with Whoopi Goldberg a lot while 400-count Martha Stewart bedsheets in shades of blush and bashful wave in the background, muting the backlighting sun.  I don't know, could it be an illusion to the title?  Or is it just the Peter Dinklage scene that borrows heavily from Easy A?

Previous OTW:

April 27

April 20

April 13

April 6

March 30

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Opening this Weekend: Hopefully the Horizons of Emily Blunt's Career

Wow, so many "choices" this weekend.  We have John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe, Jason Statham playing himself for the 25th time, and an obnoxious Pirate-themed stop-motion/CGI hybrid feature.  Perhaps one might hold out hope for Jason Segel and Emily Blunts' new movie The Five-Year Engagement, but it sounds like a gamble, as it might go by way of Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Get Him to the Greek.  Depending on your tastes, these might be good, bad or mixed odds.

On (much fewer) screens, we have Jack Black as Bernie, who appears to be a con man romancing older woman Shirley MacLaine.  The movie closed out the L.A. Film Festival last summer.  I saw Mamitas during that time.  It's a decent coming-of-age film about a Hispanic high schooler struggling to get it right.  Of a completely different economical class, Juliette Binoche plays a fashion magazine writer in Elles who discovers her own sexual repression while interviewing prostitutes.  It screened last year at Toronto.  My favorite part of the movie was the commentary from the lady sitting next to me with her husband.  "Once upon a time, they called this pornography."

Restless City depicts a Senegalese man trying to make it in New York City as a musician.   You can watch the first eleven minutes of Sound of My Voice from Brit Marling.  I tried Another Earth a few months ago and couldn't get passed the first couple minutes.  Not sure if I could handle this movie about cults either.  The Scandinavian Headhunters is an action film involving a man in debt who loves money.  Taiwan offers epic movie Warriors of the Rainbow: Seediq Bale covering a part of their history involving their indigenous people standing up to their Japanese occupiers in the 1930s.  There is also documentary Payback, an examination of what we as individuals owe to nature and society in terms of what we take from it.  Inventing Our Life: The Kibbutz Experiment details a once popular Jewish communal alternative lifestyle that is slowly dying.

poll by twiigs.com

Previous OTW:
April 27
April 20
April 13
April 6
March 30

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Opening This Weekend: Zac Efron's Pants

One of Efron's many good sides

Warning: the Zac Efron on the screen during The Lucky One may appear larger than he actually is due to the excessive working out and consumption of chicken smoothies which he no longer takes part in.  But, if inflated half-naked, tanned twinks aren't your thing, then, this weekend, it's your opportunity to support domestic abuser Chris Brown in Think Like a Man.  Disney releases Chimpanzee wide, but, if you prefer your nature documentaries less manipulative, on IMAX screens, and narrated by none other than Meryl Streep, than perhaps To the Arctic is more your bag.  There's also a documentary on Bob Marley.  

On less screens, Diane Keaton loves her Darling Companion more than her marital companion and he doesn't get it.  Scotty Speedman is looking migh-ty fine in Mary Harron's The Moth Diaries, a vampire thriller set in an all-girl's school.  Julia Roberts' produced a film with Toni Collette who raises a boy created in a petri dish not quite named Jesus Henry Christ.  A young, talented Russian violinist is torn between the demands of his father and freedom in Downtown Express.

I don't do subtitles ... rawr

Foreign Language 
A somber horror movie about war and the undead with social commentary, Zombie Dawn, is based on a Chilean comic book.  I caught Goodbye First Love at TIFF.  The French film was a sweet take on a girl coming of age.  My Way is a South Korean movie about a Korean and Japanese runner who get caught up in World War II.  International documentary Whores' Glory has a poetic, moving trailer.

poll by twiigs.com

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Opening This Weekend or, er, On the 7th Day: A Loosed Woman

Brian Presley

Opening this weekend, we get a seemingly turkey of an outer-space thriller Lockout, a possibly charming old Hollywood slapstick homage The Three Stooges from The Farrelly Bros. and horror-comedy The Cabin in the Woods.  The only film I can draw up any energy to recommend is the Indonesian martial arts actioner The Raid: Redemption--and that's only if you can stomach gore mixed with subtitles and love non-stop, adrenaline-pumping violence.  With the 650+ expansion, it should be playing at a theater near you.  Working off the fumes of Weinstein's MPAA brawl, Bully is also expanding.  On limited screens, we have L!fe Happens, cowritten and starring current Happening Right Now Girl Krstyen Ritter, which I enjoyed almost a year ago back in June of last year at the LA Film Fest.  It's in the vein of Bridesmaids.  I honestly didn't want to like this movie, but I had to finally relent to its bright allure.  Plus, it's much better than the first episode for Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23.  I know you shouldn't judge a show by its pilot, but you only get one chance to make a first impression.

I also saw Blue Like Jazz a few weeks back.  If you're a Christian, then there is a good chance that you will love it.  If you're not, it's pretty harmless, but no need to run out to see it, or even ever watch it.  I also didn't care for The Lady, but it was a good history lesson none-the-less.  Brian Presley gets all Peggy Sue Got Married in Touchback, where he goes Back to the Future and touches my loins at Homecoming 1991.  Kurt Russell is there to coach.  In the department of terrible titles, we have Woman Thou Art Loosed!: On the 7th Day to rival Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans as the clumsiest name ever.  Blair Underwood and his wife find that their daughter has been kidnapped and they must enlist the services of Jackie Brown Pam Grier.  She means business too.  "Tell me about her.  If not, I'm gonna be on you like red on pepper."  What are you watching this weekend?  Sticking to DVDs?  Good choice.

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Opening This Weekend: Damsels in Distress

Wanted: Rat-Playboy Operator
Ryan Metcalf

This weekend, moviegoers get to choose between seeing American Reunion, a sequel based on a film made popular by teenagers in the late 90s, or Titanic 3D, a film made popular by teenagers in the late 90s.  So much variety, so little time.  Have you seen The Hunger Games or 21 Jump Street yet?  The best reviewed limited releases: This Is Not a Film, The Kid with the Bike, and Footnote.  I've only seen Bike from the Dardenne brothers, which was really sweet.  And there's a whole slew of new fare coming your way (well, if you live in a metropolitan area).  My money is on Damsels in Distress and that rat-playboy operator Frank.

Whit Stillman is back!  And he has a new generation of actors he's cast in one of his conversational comedies about overprivileged young adults in Damsels in Distress.  Looks charming.  Then, we have overprivileged young adults trapped in a an ATM kiosk in the middle of Winter with a much too resourceful serial killer terrorizing them.  Did I just type that?  I guess the setting gives them more room to act than Phone Booth.

The Hunter screened at TIFF last Fall.  It concerns a man of the wild who must hunt down the last remaining Tasmanian Tiger in the pristine wilderness of Australia's island.  It was beautifully shot and there is one scene that is perhaps one of the most evocative and chilling seen in a while.  It's absolutely heartbreaking and happens about a half hour or so in.  It's an otherwise solid film, so I can't help but recommend it.

We the Party is using Facebook as part of their marketing strategy.  Mario Van Peebles directed this movie about high school teenagers trying to make it in L.A., because, you know, you can never get started to early.

A romantic comedy-drama set in a taxi cab going cross country in Take Me Home, where the destination is California.

Detention is a high school horror film that let's kids just be kids, while dodging a serial killer.  Here is the trailer.  Box-office Mojo reports that it opens this week, but the website suggests otherwise.

Low-budget black and white horror noir Keyhole has lots of stars.  And, just plain low-budget horror film: Purification.

Foreign
Italian filmmakers take you into the mind of Vatican's highest rank in We Have a Pope.  That title shouldn't court the controversy The Pope Must Die(t) from decades ago.

Documentary
Comic Con Episode IV: A Fan's Hope brought to you by the guy who did Super Size Me.

Anti-capitalist propaganda Surviving Progress likens man's place in today's world to that of a chimpanzee.

Finding info about This Binary Universe was like finding a needle in space.

What are you going to see this weekend?

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Opening This Weekend: Julia vs. The Titans & the Fight For Who Can Be Closest to Never Being #1

Out with the New, in with the Old ... ?

This weekend Julia Roberts will square off with the Titans in a fantasy-genre battle for second place behind Katniss and the other tributes.  The early critical word for Ms. Roberts’ return to the big screen is pretty sour.  No matter, she’ll manage to weather this before she walks the awards circuit in the next couple of years thanks to the Tony-nominated/winning roles of Barbara Weston and Emma Brookner.  These roles she has managed to parlay herself into just because of her connections and the fumes of her still existent name recognition.  Oh, yeah, and as much as she has revealed herself to be a supercunt, she's still a fucking star.  When you’ve won the biggest prize and have multiple $100M-grossers that you’ve headlined, it doesn’t matter that they were all over a decade ago.  Your perch, the highest of them all, still allows for a long, gradual and comfortable fall.  Julia may not cash the big paychecks (or maybe she still does; that info isn't the easiest to unearth) like she used to, but she's still the unofficial (figurehead) queen of the box-office.

Anyway, who will appear on top (or in this case, the #2 position)?  Mirror Mirror or Wrath of the Titans?  For Rosamund Pike's (is that her?) sake, I'm hoping the latter.  I guess it all depends on how desperate parents are to take their kids to a family film based on a popular fairy tale.  People harped on Sam Woodenacting’s last Titans, but they certainly lined up to see it. 

What else is hitting the screen?

Sean William Scott plays a Goon whose violent nature gets him on a hockey team where he’s able to search for the meaning of his life.  There are plenty of Canadian accents (or Midwest), as well an Italian-American Mafioso type from the dependably bad, but inexplicably respected Liev Schreiber.  There’s a host of other recognizable faces, including some geared to the American Pie audience.

Intruders has Clive Owen defending his family from a supernatural beast.  I don't think he'll have much luck deflecting the bad reviews, at any rate.  

A rock musical about blood-suckers has gotten a low-budget film treatment in I Kissed a Vampire.  It looks like something from the 80's with a cast that was born in the 2000's.

[Update]
Added at the last minute, Halle Berry's Dark Tide rolls into town, so it can quickly sink beneath the surface to become shark chum.  It opens with Halle Berry delivering the voice-over line, "My father once told me to be careful of the things you love most in the world.  Because if you're not careful, that very thing can destroy you."  Did Berry's father ever talk to her about money, perhaps?  Because that's the only reason she did this movie, no?  Berry's much talked-about personal life as of late can't even draw interest into this film.  The studio has so little faith in the $25M project, it didn't even bother with a website.  Exterior shots were filmed in South Africa two years ago, right after she separated from her baby's daddy.  I keep forgetting that Berry has always had a checkered past.  A string of failed relationships and two hit and run accidents for which she got a slap on the wrist, she still managed to cash in her career choices for an Oscar.  But, it seems in the late 90s/early 00s, a clean repute wasn't exactly high on the list of the AMPAS.  

Foreign Language

I just have to say that I kind of love the trailer for Turn Me On, Damnit! a Scandinavian sex comedy about a group of teenagers popping their cherry.  I don't know what I love more: the fact that it's about girls coming of age or that in the course of 90 minutes, we watch a young woman getting caught in the solo act by her dog, another sniff her clothed boyfriend's armpit or all of the girls flipping the bird to roadsigns as they leave their town.  And, because it's not in English, all of this is masterfully, awesomely set to music.  If you only watch one of the trailers I've linked to in this post, please watch this one.  

Love in the Buff, a film about modern relationships in Cantonese and Mandarin.  

Documentary

Also, dependable marketer Harvey Weinstein drummed up plenty of publicity over the last couple weeks fighting with the MPAA on its rating for Bully, a documentary that appears to take a page out of Michael Moore’s book on emotional manipulation.  Weinstein also appears to be trying to capitalize on the recent attention bullying has received in the press over the last year—primarily gay youth—particularly due to its connection with resulting in suicide.  

Hollywood's current fascination with the sex and drug-fueled intellectualism of the late 50's extends to a documentary about The Beat Hotel Rue Gît-le-Cœur in Paris.  

Another documentary serves as global-warming propaganda about the sinking island nation of The Maldives.  

Kurt Cameron gives us a history lesson in Monumental: In Search of America's National Treasure.  My gut instinct tells me that Nicolas Cage (or Andy Samberg for that matter) won't be making an action-infused cameo.  While I don't discount the possibility that Cameron offers something educational and thought-provoking, I cringe at the limited prism he shares his information about "our morally bankrupt" nation that can still be saved.  Cameron ends the second trailer with, "My family is worth fighting for.  And so is yours."  Well, if the two head-of-households are of the opposite gender ... anyway.  Just sayin'.  Considering how well his backward-thinking views got people talking about him in the press, you'd think that he's been getting tips from Harvey Weinstein.  

Will you be seeing anything this weekend?  I'm pondering checking out Bully.

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