Anne's Non-Boxed Coffee Is Better Than You

Now that Oscar season has been over and we don't have to listen to anymore annoying speeches from Anne Hathaway, she has been papped a lot lately blithely rummaging around the streets of NYC with her husband.  I want to take this moment to acknowledge how harsh I was on her during awards season.  I had a lot of fun at her expense during 2012 and Les Misérables, but I really couldn't help myself, as her antics were gifts that just kept on giving.  But, I want to reiterate that my opinion of Hathaway has always been one of ambivalence   She strikes me as a beautiful, talented, and lovely woman, and Hollywood, and we as an audience are lucky to have her, especially in contrast to other stars of her generation (however we interpret her abilities to entertain).  And, over the last couple months, the amount of thoughtless bile heaped in her direction by the masses was a little too much, too late, for my tastes.  If you wanted to hate on her, you should have done so while she was giving you good reason.  Otherwise, you're just a chump that hopped on the bandwagon.  (I guess even though I like to point out her faults, I'm also oddly protective of her on some level.)  But, I also wanted to take this moment to help vegan Hathaway spread the word that everyone should be drinking their water out of recyclable boxes.  You know, because, plastic is bad.  And walking down to your local supermarket to fill up your own reusable liter containers at $0.25/pop is also bad and not very economical.  Or water delivery?  (Truth in advertising: they never say boxed water is best.)  And, bringing your own portable mug to Starbucks for your morning coffee isn't necessary, because their cups are recyclable too.  Right, Anne?   Yeesh.  (Full disclosure, I'm still a ninny who buys one gallon plastic jugs at the store for $1.00 each and pays an arm and a leg at the Coffee Bean where I don't bring my own container.)

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Hathaway in the Final Stretch

They say that the hardest part of running a marathon is the last 0.2 miles of the 26.2 mile length.  I can't really say.  It has been over a decade since I've run one.  I've completed marathons where the last 13.1 miles were hell and I had to pull my depleted body over the finish line.  I've run others where I sailed across the final marker like some kind of fucking pimp daddy who was out for an afternoon stroll.  It all depends on how well you train, mostly.  The race is kind of an afterthought.  Speaking of which, winning an Oscar for playing Fantine was kind of an afterthought when Anne Hathaway first heard about the film adaptation getting the green light.  We are at that place in the race where we found Grandma Smurf this past Sunday sitting at the end of her bed in pajamas at the Loews Hollywood Hotel behind the Dolby Theater with a fag dangling out of her mouth and channel surfing for the BAFTA's.  "Joshua, where the fuck are you?  I can't find any British stations."  The young sprite broke the bad news to her after informing her that England was eight hours ahead, the ceremony was over, and the results were accessible on the internet.  He then preemptively ducked out of the room before she started grabbing items from the Mini-bar and throwing them at the television.

You see, Ms. Princess Diaries III is about at the 26.0-mile mark.  When George Clooney uttered her royal syllables in London on Sunday, she played the role of shocked recipient so well, she gave Kelly Clarkson's actually genuine reaction to winning a Grammy that same night a run for her money.  Little Oscared Annie kissed her husband, received props from Sally Field and someone who looked like Helena Bonham Carter, while walking up to the podium in her admittedly cute Burberry dress.  Bitch almost forgot to cash in on a warm embrace from the hottest man on the planet before she gave her speech.  She tried to make jokes again, like threatening to sing and giving a shout out to costar Eddie Redmayne who apparently had it coming out of both ends somewhere in the city thanks to food poisoning (or just expressing himself about Anne's win).  She acknowledged [her] cast and crew, hair and makeup artist Paul Gooch who had to play therapist to her whiny ass while doing up her face, her director, leading man, the studios, and producer Deborah Hayward.  This time, she decided to acknowledge all of the people responsible for Les Misérables before it was a movie, like the team behind the musical and then Victor Hugo, of course, who wrote the novel.  She ended with, "Thank you so much honey, I love you."  I'm assuming she was talking about her husband and not Hugo.  Unless she's into 19th-century French skeletons.  Is she going method for a possible role in Mr. and Mrs. Comfort?

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A Tale of Two Fantines

Grandma Smurf is so full of ideas and optimism, that when she heard about the write-in vote idea floating around Hollywood to compensate for Ben Affleck’s Oscar snub for directing, her brainstorms took her to the edges of insanity (which, is really an average day for her).  Now, there hasn’t been any connection substantiated to her involvement in the recent viral sensation of Emma Fitzpatrick singing a new fangled rendition of Annie’s “I Dreamed a Dream” sequence from Les Misérables, but it wouldn’t be unlike Smurf to actually believe Fitzpatrick could still get qualified for the Best Supporting Actress award for a short internet clip that was released after December 31^st.  The vote split would obviously tip the scales in Smurf's favor.  And no one has actually disproven crafty short-stuff being a silent financier of the rather highly produced and gorgeously filmed five minute scene (it only cost $100).  Pushing stories of a makeshift Dolby Theater stage, a bitchy-kind-of-hate for Katie Holmes, and now this pops up?  Draw your own conclusions …  

Hathaway has been playing defense lately.  Can she weather this latest blow?  

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Anne Reigns It In

You want humble?  That's what you're going to get

When Sexy Back in the Day finally rattles off the Best Supporting Actress in a Movie SAG nominees this evening, there's a collective eye-roll that overtakes the room like a group wave in the bleachers at a sporting event.  Says one seated across from the Les Misérables table, "That's what Anne's wearing?  It looks like the Rachel Weisz Golden Globe trainwreck from a few weeks ago."  Another: "It is.  Louis Vitton plucked out all the polka dots and told her she could use it as long as she called it a Giambattista Valli."  Meanwhile, Grandma Smurf elbows Harvey Weinstein, "I might as well be in a Pinto behind the Shrine Auditorium peeling an apple listening to the radio broadcast version of this bullshit."

As it has been on the agenda for tonight's event for quite some time, they call Anne's name and Ms. Hathaway conducts herself with all the restraint she practiced with her Oscar Speech therapist.  She kisses leading man Hugh and hugs arch nemesis/ inspiration Sally ("I hate you, I really, really hate you").  Anne's internal monologue begins to play as she goes through the motions.  Okay don't blow this, Annie.  Don't say blurg.  Act humble and relate to the audience by making that dental joke just like they said ... Oh, good they laughed.  *deep breath*  Now tell a short personal story about how you got your SAG card.  Acknowledge the room, but more humble, more humble.  Shake your head like you earned it, but not in an entitled manner.  Make a reference to Fantine Sr.  Let's try another crack.  Oh, that didn't hit.  Shouldn't have been such a bitch.  Getting too confident again.  Moving on.  Thanks Dad for putting up with my crazy ass, as well as your wife's.  And, oh, yes, everyone, like Jennifer Lawrence, I have brothers (but, remember that one of them is gay), but I guess they should have picked on me more because look how cool and grounded she turned out to be she is nominated in the lead category and I'm in supporting.  Okay, now mention your reps.  Oh, fuck, I don't know any of them by name.  Mayday, mayday.  Quick, make another bitchy, but overly sweet joke.  Yes!  That one worked.  I should wing it more often, I'm so good at this.  Okay, gotta thank manager Susan because, thanks to me, we're greater than The Beatles!  Remind everyone that I was Catwoman.  Thank you director, studios, and, finally, hubby.  I'm told that no one wants to hear our wedding vows, so they can just suck on some sexual innuendo.  Kisses.  

Anne embraces her Oscar Speech coach waiting behind the stage.  "That was good.  Four more weeks.  Just keep your coochie covered at all times, and it's yours."  Sitting at the Silver Linings table that is adorned in a dull grey tablecloth with no discernible flashy, glittery, or positive edges, Grandma Smurf is none to pleased.  "How shit-faced am I going to get if we don't win ensemble?"  Jennifer Garner leans over and whispers, "You better get started now."

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Grandma Smurf Strikes Again

After she made the mistake of sending one of her less abled sons to throw a firebomb at Ms. Hathaway's Oscar Dream, Grandma Smurf does NOT let up.  "Damn me if Jennifer and Robert get Oscars and NOT ME.  This may be my last chance.  Some are even giving Bradley Cooper dark horse status.  BRADLEY-FUCKING-COOPER.  He hosts travel shows naked!  This is unacceptable."  Deciding she can handle her campaign better than Harvey Weinstein thankyouverymuch, she enlists another one of her boys to rely less on rumor and more on evidence.  Unable to break into her NYC apartment to take pictures of Hathaway's temporary Academy Award stage (that will be converted to a humidity-controlled Oscar display room at the end of February), she sends Darren instead of Craig to the 30 Rockefeller Plaza archive room to view old SNL episodes and dig up something good.  And, low and behold, right from underneath everyone with short memories and poor cognitive skills, he only had to watch Anne's last two times hosting to discover that she has done not one, but two impressions of Dawson's Crack star Katie Holmes.  "Bloody Hell," thought Darren.  "It couldn't be just a coincidence."  He plays Anne's last stint from late 2012 to the very end of the episode and watches her apologize to Claire Danes for her grown-up Angela Chase impersonation at curtain, but says nothing concerning the former  Scientology beard, not even a derisive side-eye. "Eureka!"

Darren eagerly flies back to Grandma Smurf's L.A. headquarters behind the Dolby Theater to share the wonderful information.  "I've got good news, Mum."  Jacki's smile curls ever so slightly at the ends in anticipation of what's next.  "She's a bitch, a grade-A cunt and I've got the proof."  He explains and Ms. Weaver doesn't get too excited: "It's not a whole lot, son,  But, it's a start, love, it's a start."  Realizing Star Magazine would recognize her voice from the other day, she picks up the phone and calls the Enquirer instead and uses the Oklahoman accent she had been learning for August: Osage County.  (Damn that asshole Harvey for telling me I'd be his next Judi Dench, she thinks as she puts her newly acquired skill to some use)  "Hello, tabloid people.  My name is Katie Holmes."  She begins sobbing.  "And, Annie Hathaway hates my guts!"  Darren interrupts her and whispers, "Katie's from Ohio, not Oklahoma."  Jacki hangs up the phone, smirks, and pulls into her computer to check Celebitchy.  Looking at the post at the very tops, she says, "Looks like it doesn't matter, son.  We may have found our positive spin.  Annie's dream is going to turn into a nightmare, yet, just you wait."

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Grandma Smurf Puts a Hit Out on Anne's Oscar Chances?

"Randall ... we do what we have to do, we do what we must."

Since this is Anne-related, I feel compelled to blog about a "story" from Star Magazine (the print version, I guess) that perpetuated the rumor that Ms. Hathaway hired a team of writers and built a temporary stage in her NYC apartment to practice her Oscar speech.  Several blogs including Rumor Fix (never mind that they don't even have their facts straight on Anne's Oscar history) and Celebitchy picked it up, and reported additionally that her rep squashed the rumors, starting with the fact that she hasn't been in New York for weeks, nor will be there before the Oscar ceremony.  While I don't believe most of this is true (I could see her hiring a writer to help her, though), I find the fabrication hilarious.  Everyone expects Anne to win.  She has made it clear we should expect it since cameras started rolling that she's even more can't-lose than Daniel Day-Lewis (although that may be up for debate).  It has gotten to a point on the internet where it has turned into kind of a joke.  Her people may have wanted to reign her back a little, although I'm not sure exactly how that could have been done while communicating the sacrifices she made for the role.  (Although, it should be said that many people were floored enough by her performance that she might have considered allowing her work to speak for itself.)  Her Golden Globes speech, which was her first time in front of a national audience, did not go over well at all.  Jessica Chastain talked about how gratifying it was to be validated after years and years of hard work and rejection.  Jennifer Lawrence haphazardly tried to make a 1990s reference, though I applaud her nonetheless for her impressive trove of movie trivia.  Adele made some comment about the friend she traveled with and the airplane ride over the pond (I don't remember).  But, Anne.  No, Anne basically said, "I am in a room full of great people and thank you for telling me I am great too.  I will never ever again think I'm not great.  Shedding my child star persona was so hard.  Wah."  Anne's kind of setting herself up to fail.  But, she doesn't have a history of failing, so I don't foresee her falling on her face like Joaquin Phoenix (who went the complete opposite direction).

How does something like this get started?  Well, one must ask who stands to gain, right?  Namely Sally Field, Helen Hunt, Amy Adams, Jacki Weaver, and the studios who back their film.  So, how does this work?  The PR team (or whatever they're called) behind Lincoln or Jacki Weaver (who got nominated for playing the mob matriarch in 2010's Animal Kingdom), for example, are talking and trying to think of ways to add more Academy Awards to their chest on Oscar night.  So, somebody gets ballsy and thinks that maybe they can take down Fantine.  She has become a source of ridicule and appears to be a vulnerable target out of her own volition.  And once a fire starts, all it needs are the right conditions to spread, right?  So, they call up Star Magazine and tell this ridiculous story to see if they can get it to stick.  Anne's reps immediately nip it in the bud, but it doesn't hurt to try, right?  Really.  I have zero idea how this works, but find it all very fascinating.

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Golden Globe Rundown: Best Supporting Actress (or, oh, God, her again)

Hathaway teases us with
physically assaulting herself

You have to hand it to Sally Field.  She is going to have to eat humble pie every single damn time Anne Hathaway walks up on the stage to announce to the world that the dream she dreamt is actually happening (again and again and ...).  And, to add insult to injury, the cameras are going to be on Field even more whenever Hathaway name-drops her as her inspiration.  Keep your chin up Sally, you have less than six weeks to endure playing second banana at this dog-and-pony show.  The win was fighting for and holding onto the role, no?  (Click here and watch the video for a refresher; sorry I don't have the exact mark, but the whole hour is worth it.)  If they gave out awards for tenacity and bucking the system, it would be Field up there on that stage, never mind that she turned in the best supporting turn (of any gender) this year (and I didn't think Lincoln was all that, either).  But, we know awards aren't about "the best," hardly ever.  And, frankly, I kind of like that Anne will be an Oscar winner (at least, she'll shut up for a while).  Because, you know, the bigger they are ...

3rd: Helen Hunt in Dolce & Gabbana

Anyway, so now that the cinematic Golden Globe actresses have been chosen, let’s run them down and start with the Supporting group.  Hathaway, Field, and Helen Hunt have been leading the pack, with Hathaway as the obvious frontrunner, before she was even the frontrunner.  Field and Hunt are enjoying "movie comebacks" of sorts and their first Oscar nomination since their last Oscar win.  Hunt, who accrued a slate of detractors back when she took the gold for 1997, made a graceful return with The Sessions.  Field, who made "that" speech during her second win in 1984, almost lost her current role when there was a change in leading men.  She was ten years Daniel Day-Lewis' senior, where Abraham Lincoln trumped his wife by a decade. I was skeptical, but, now, it's like, they LOOK like a couple.  Like, I could now buy Field and Day-Lewis as a couple in real life.  Funny that.  Anyway, Amy Adams had an incredibly amount of good-will when The Master first hit during the Fall.  Some fallibly thought she had a chance to beat Hathaway.  Towards the end, she barely hung on to grab her fourth supporting nomination in seven years, her third in the last four.  It's obvious that the AMPAS nomination-love her right now.  But, you know, they once loved Julianne Moore in a nomination-kind-of-way too, remember.  And Glenn Close.  And Sigourney Weaver.  What's the expiration date with Adams?  And where is that Janis Joplin biopic?  This business can be so wonderful, yet frustrating and cruel.  They that giveth, taketh away.  Anyhow, Adams is about to break in a commercial way like she never has before with The Man of Steel as Louis Lane this Summer.  Will the movie be a stepping stone or is it an empty reward?  We'll soon find out.

Best in Show:
Nicole Kidman in
Alexander McQueen
with some great detailing

The fifth nominee, Nicole Kidman, was really a "never-ran."  Armed with a Golden Globe and SAG nomination, some prognosticators actually thought she had a chance with The Academy.  A) She peed on Zac Efron.  (And every asshole on the internet spoiled it for everyone months before the film even released.  So, what am I doing, returning the favor by repeating it?)  Yes, Oscar has a problem with this.  And, frankly, Kidman is not Adams.  They will give her an Oscar, but they will not nominate her for just anything.  If they would, she would have over double the three nominations she has presently.  Missing was her fellow countrywoman Jacki Weaver, who, in a weakish performance in a Best Picture nominee pimped by Harvey Weinstein, apparently, got trumped by Kidman's celebrity with the HFPA.

2nd: Sally Field in Alberta Ferretti

Megan Fox and Jonah Hill tried to provide a comic bit and failed miserably while they presented the nominees and winner.  You'd thnk the Apatow "alum" would arrive with better script.  When Hill tried to brush Fox off as part of their “number,” with a dismissive “babe,” it was an ew moment.  Gross.  

So, for our winner, we had predictably Ms. Hathaway, the favorite daughter of this year’s race.  It’s no surprise she took home the Globe, which she intends to use as a blunt device to self-mutilate herself with whenever she has doubts about her talent.  Hopefully, often.  With her speech, as well as Lena Dunham’s, it was Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who got us through middle school their speeches and the ceremony.  Sacha Baron Cohen also provided an acerbic edge during his brief, but efficiently executed stint.  But, if it wasn’t for those naturally comedic talents who don’t take these award shows (or themselves) very seriously (to our delight), this particular event would have turned into a group therapy session. Jennifer Lawrence and Adele, the former of which is younger than Hathaway and Dunham and the latter who is the same age as Dunham, both gave down-to-earth speeches and forewent a neon sign spelling out 'needy' hanging above their head, unlike the aforementioned less secure. 

Before going up, Hathaway kissed her husband, and hugged her director and leading man.  She started off by hitting a really flat note by referencing a signature Tiny Feyism (“blurg”) and then played the disbelief card while giving a shout out to her Oscar clip (no, Anne, you are not dreaming anymore; you dreamed a dream and it came true!  Wake up.).  She thanked the HFPA, acknowledged all the great talent in the room, and affirmed that she was going to start believing that she finally earned her place amongst them.  How telling, no?  Did she not just say to Spielberg, yes, I deserve to be directed by you in Robopocalypse?  And, Daniel Day-Lewis should be my leading man?  Would she have still said it if Meryl Streep was in the room, not home sick with The Flu?  She rattled off the list of her fellow nominees and then singled out her soul mother Sally Field. 

Now, she did this for a couple of reasons:

1) Out of her fellow nominees, Field, by far, has had the longest career and more Oscars than all of them. And, yes, Hathaway is partly in genuinely awe of the woman.  She's a legend.  Would she have done any differently if Maggie Smith and/or Judi Dench were in her category?  

2) Once upon a time, the former Gidget and Flying Nun was not taken very seriously as an actress until she released multiple-personality Sybil on television (for which she won an Emmy) and then Norma Rae three years later (and won Oscar).  She then infamously went on to win a second Oscar (in an albeit weak year) crying out during her speech, “You like me, you really like me!”  Those words would become a source of derision, haunting her for a while, and Field never came close to Oscar again until arguably ten years later, finally nabbing a slot three decades later this year (coincidence?).  So, Field had self-esteem issues of her own, but, ultimately, always maintained a solid enough fan base and respect, because, let’s face it, she’s talented.  But that she should have been ReOscared is a source of debate.  Hathaway seems to have unconsciously latched onto a similar desperate end of the validation spectrum.   (Though, I can't imagine Field really cares as much about winning now.)  The Golden Globes now have hit the "like" button on Hathaway's Facebook page.  How many times will Oscar?  And how insufferable will the experience be?  

4th: Adams in Marchesa;
I don't hate it

3) Though Hathaway won Oscar when she landed the Fantine audition, if she weren’t in play and the movie never went forward in 2012, Field would likely be the odds-on favorite.  She IS her competition.  And, what a shrewd move to continually acknowledge the actress at every opportunity.  She did it during the Hollywood Reporter Actress Roundtable (Hathaway declared that she wrote an espionage drama some while back and imagined Field as the protagonist), and she did it again in the first major precursor this awards season.  Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? 

4) Sally is old and had her time in the sun!  "I’m young and unrecognized (but, humbled by this attention), but, let’s not forget, I’m no spring chicken.  I gave up Princess of Genovia’s crown nearly a decade ago.  It's MY TURN!"

Last & Least: Why didn't she just
wear a Chanel pantsuit?

But, what about the three roles Anne chose to single Field out?  Norma Rae, check.  Of course, that’s at the top of the list.  Mama Gump?  Well, Anne Hathaway was thirteen when Forrest Gump came out and that was the film that just about everyone in this country saw when it hit (I hated it at the time, but have grown to mildly "like" it in an ironic kind of way).  She got a few accolades for it.  But, top three?  For Anne (and maybe the rest of the country), I guess so.  Even I have to look up the character’s name for Field's second Oscar Places in the Heart (Edna Spalding).  And, Sybilwas way before Anne’s time (and TV).  Field was brilliant as Celeste Talbert in Soapdish, but that was a comedy, the genre Hathaway is specifically trying to avoid.  But, she chooses Mama Gump over M’Lynn Eatenton?  Okay, Steel Magnolias is greatness, but when you’re making a speech about wanting to be taken seriously, I guess you have to leave it out.  Understood.  She comes full circle with Mary Todd Lincoln.  And mentioning her work on Brothers & Sisters would have been blasphemy, because, gasp, as an adult actress, Hathaway does NOT do TV (not right now, anyway; talk to her after the roles dry up in a decade).  Even Julia Roberts, another progenitor, is going to HBO.  Every one of the nominees, including Field who blows her a kiss, appears to be generally touched (especially Adams and Hunt). 

She goes on to thank her mother (who, remember, played Fantine herself when Anne was a wee lass!), the creators of the show (no names!), the studios (names!), cast, crew, Hugh Jackman, director Tom Hooper (whom she specifies has a soft side, popular to contrary belief), family, husband (who gives her “the best string of yesterdays she has ever had”), and ends her 2:07 speech thanking the HFPA yet again. 

Fashion-wise, it’s actually Hathaway who faired the worse.  She looked like she took the band aid she wrapped her bald head around on her wedding day and pulled it down to her torso.  Not a fan.  Kidman was smashing.  Not crazy about her face, but that's something we have to just accept now, right?  The dye has been cast, right?  As long as she manages that trainwreck, we sit back and say little now, because there is nothing left to say, right?  All we can do is remember to point out the natural beauty of her similarly-aged peers and countrywomen Naomi Watts and Cate Blanchett, right?  Field looked amazing.  Hunt was okay.  But, I was kind of over the fleshy color Adams was parading around like every other woman that night.  

Stay tuned for my rundown on the Comedy and Drama categories for leading movie actress.  

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Anne's Hathaway Sees Its Shadow: Ten More Weeks Til Oscar

In case you haven't already heard, Anne let her cooch out for a breather while awkwardly climbing out of a car on Monday night in a much more awkward dress at a Les Mis premiere and the paparazzi digitally captured the moment.  Rather than delete the evidence, as Hathaway went on record would have been the fair and sensible thing to do, the photographer made some money off of it.  Sacrebleu!  It was as if someone's dying moments were captured for entertainment value.  Not.  Hathaway talked about it to Vanity Fair and then went on The Today Show, where ratings-killer Matt Lauer lecherously introduced her with, "We've seen a lot of you lately."  Gee, thanks, Matt Lauer.  You were already a douchebag who probably cheats on his wife and killed crybaby Ann Curry's dreams by orchestrating her exit from Today, but now you're also unabashedly gross.  Anyway, Hathaway, a woman of grace and dignity, couldn't just have a good laugh; rather, she chastised the media for capitalizing on her "vulnerable moment" and went on to cleverly tie this indiscretion to her latest film role.  However, I don't know if clever is really the appropriate word considering that she's a multimillionaire sans kids who had an embarrassing moment who compared her predicament to an impoverished 19th-century mother who had no choice in life to provide for her daughter other than to prostitute herself for money.  Um, Anne, I get where you're going with this, and, yes, you may have a point with commodifying sexuality, but, girl, you are treading on some thin ice for the more discerning.

If she should be admonishing anyone, it should be Tom Ford for putting her in that caped dress (and whoever made those Matrix-style boots).  There are some of the camp that she is the still the classy-type who went commando to avoid the panty-line and wasn't accustomed to the practice.  There are others who cry foul, because it's all the internet is talking about (including Cinesnatch), she's not beneath calling attention to herself, and, duh, a small purse could have blocked that small breeze she had to have felt up in her bidness.  We haven't really heard about this type of biscuit delivery since the Paris/Lindsay/Britney Baker's Dozen from six or so years ago.  But, we can all agree they're trash and Anne, a talented film actress, who is known for her prestigious choices isn't one we'd normally place in their company.  Aren't we living in a different world now where very little is sacred?  It's not like she holds a high political position, where one has to command some semblance of respect in order to be taken seriously.  If Secretary of State Hillary Clinton really isn't running for president in 2016, she'll be flashing us pretty soon to make it clear, I imagine.

Meanwhile, Hathaway will be working with Steven Spielberg on Robopocalypse.  Is he going to send her a quilt with a note that says, "Cover yourself up" before cameras roll like he did with Drew after she showed David Letterman her fun bags on air?  It's not like a slip-up, so to speak, of this nature would harm anyone in the entertainment world or their award's chances, would it?  We already know she's winning the Oscar.  She has made it very clear.  The AMPAS don't really have a choice.  However, remember when Paul Verhoeven "tricked" Sharon Stone into slipping off her underwear in Basic Instinct, because of the "glare."  We all know that Stone's beaver cameo kept her from Oscar, so perhaps Anne should be sweating now.

Just so we're clear, I have a history of reporting on Hathaway and not what some may incorrectly associate with "cinesnatch."  So, I couldn't help but post on this, but, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have.  Though, if there was ever a post to live up to the unintended meaning of this blog, I guess this would be it.  Well, that, and my scene by scene of Instinct.  Cheers.

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Best Supporting Actress 2012: Pimping Out the Gay Family Member

An interesting (or not so) development has occurred in this year's Best Supporting Actress category: playing up the gay family member. Anne Hathaway, the frontrunner and eventual winner, has been vocal for quite some time about her gay brother Michael (she also has straight brother Thomas, who doesn't make for good copy, I guess). As she is Anne Hathaway, she did go a little over-the-top recently and received some flack for commenting on her new shorn appearance. "When I eventually looked in the mirror I just thought I looked like my gay brother," she told a New York audience during a private unveiling of Les Misérables Thanksgiving weekend. Now, she has two brothers. One would think she would refer to Michael as "her older brother," as most of us distinguish our siblings by age, if required. Or, if both of her brothers were older, by name, "my brother Michael." There's almost something backwoods about it: "that's curly-haired ginger brother; over there is Hefty Smurf; and, oh, that other one in the corner, he's my gay brother, but mama don't like to talk about that."  Hathaway, you love your brother Michael (and presumably Thomas), we get it.  Ultimately, you're doing a great thing by singling him out and creating more awareness.

Likely nominee Sally Field has three sons, the youngest, Sam Greisman, is also gay. He received attention recently for giving the (quite charming) introduction to her mom's HRC recognition.  His speech was hilarious and detailed the relationship hardships facing the gay son of Sally Field, which included meeting a blogger on a first-date and learning his site is called, "Shelby Drink Your Juice Dot Com."  Field has also gone on Oprah and has been spreading the word about Sam.  Ultimately, a good thing.

My more cynical side finds it suspect, but I'm glad that we live in a country where Hollywood actors are open about and proud of their gay family members. Has this happened before?  My memory sucks.  Even if it's just posturing (although, both ladies appear genuinely fond of their gays), this country has a lot of time to make up. And there are worse things on this planet then pimping your gay during Oscar season. One question: whose next? Does Amy Adams have a transgender cousin? Does Helen Hunt have a lesbian niece? Join the party! Bring it on!  Can't wait to see who is next.  Seriously.  

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Strike A Pose, Anne, Anne, Anne

Ole!

So, Anne Hathaway paved her image on the latest cover of Vogue as part of her run up to her Runner-up Oscar Crowning ceremony early next year (read: supporting not lead).  In case, you haven't gotten the memo, she is going to win the demoted Oscar for playing the shorn, emaciated whore who gets the best song in the musical.  Some people say you can't predict such things until the movie Les Misérables actually comes out.  I say, fools, the writing is on the wall and we don't need an interpreter.  And, if I'm wrong (which I'm not), you can come back and point your finger at me.  Just for the record, my relationship with Anne is very ambivalent.  I love her and I hate her, as detailed here, here, here, and here.  Mostly love.  She's a true entertainer with talent, willing to take chances and send herself up in the process.  She's made some decent films.  She can be quite funny (as her third time hosting SNL proved this last weekend, especially her opening monologue, Katie Holmes impression, and falling in love with the Sloppy Swish), and surprisingly dramatically good (i.e. I thought her and her overly thick eyeliner in Rachel Getting Married were going to be a disaster, only to be proven wrong).  The girl has got game, and you can't say that about many Hollywood actors.  Even in bad films, I sometimes can't take my eyes off her (i.e. that awful Havoc, where her Pacific Palisades hoe-ass decides to go all gangsta; and I thought her brief cameo in Alice in Wonderland was about the only watchable thing about that eyesore).  There are also times, where I can't stand her onscreen (i.e. Love & Other Drugs), but mostly whatever disdain I harbor towards her is usually reserved for her offscreen interviews where she plays the role of "serious actor."  She becomes this pretentious monster that makes me want to plug her pie hole with Glade plugins to hide the stench coming out of her mouth, while shouting, "Get over yourself!"  So, as a rule now, I try to avoid such circumstances.

Splendor with the Grass

However, I couldn't escape her talking about herself today on the internets thanks to the Vogue interview, as she continues her slow red carpet walk to the Dolby Theatre.  There were also some annoying pictures to accompany the article.  In one picture she's auditioning for Carmen Miranda on Quaaludes, dressed down as a toreador.  In another, she's going out for the part of Helen Keller (also on Quaaludes).  Girl's got range and yes, I know I'm going to Hell for that last comment.  I guess if Hollywood has to give Oscars out, and the ingenues have the edge in this game, Hathaway is due by now compared to her contemporaries (Natalie Portman has an Oscar; who's left?).  The process of getting there is just so desperate and unbecoming.  I don't recall if Cate Blanchett or Rachel Weisz subverted themselves to get their first Oscars, but the next time someone of their caliber comes along, I'm going to pay more attention!

Chances are also that both female acting Oscars will go to youngins'.  Hathaway just turned 30 and the frontrunner for lead is early-twentysomething Jennifer Lawrence.  The last comparable year was 1999 with Hilary Swank and Angelina Jolie, both in their early-to-mid-20s.  While Swank is regrouping after some cinematic failures and a PR meltdown, she did go on to win a second Oscar and, Jolie, well, is still technically one of the most bankable movie stars out there.  Hathaway isn't that bankable (on her name alone), and I doubt she'll be satisfied with just one (supporting, at that) Oscar.

Anyway, I'm still excited about the movie and can't wait to see Les Misérables, so I can sob like a bitch.

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Can We Stop Pretending? Anne Has Oscar in the Bag

Generally speaking, while it's still too early to say "so and so is going to win Oscar," some things are just plain inevitable. And, I'm willing to put more down than an apple pie that Anne Hathaway is going to go home with the little gold man (she may even shoot one out a few months later if she follows Natalie Portman's guide to success). All the press and buzz point to her eventual crowning. Right time in her career, right amount of industry good will, right amount of talent, right movie (sight unseen, even if it stinks to high heavens me thinks she's still going to pull if off), etc. She has just gotten hitched while wearing a huge bandage on her forehead (having fooled everyone by pretending her wedding was going to be a year from when it actually was) and calling it a headdress; and she'll be singing her way to the Dolby Theater via Sally Bowles for one night only later this month.  As I already alluded, some are even predicting a pregnancy announcement.  While I don't begrudge anyone not ready to place their bets, for me, to speculate anything different just, seems, well, silly.  What's the point?  We can pontificate all we want, but the writing is on the wall, no?  Wouldn't it be best to close the book on this and discuss other, more volatile races, which offer the exciting prospect of: anybody's game?  Hathaway has a better chance at winning an Oscar than President Obama has at getting reelected.  (And, even though his race may look unpredictable, many are already calling it barring some unforeseen circumstance.)  It's not that I discount entertaining other possibilities, and few have seen the final product, but I see a steamroller headed towards the AMPAS and I'm getting out of the way.

Hathaway's time has come

For the most part, it's the leading statue that's more enviable, but, every now and then, a Hollywood starlet covets the supporting award, because it's the easier and more possible path to becoming an Oscar-winner.  These days, with diminishing opportunities for actresses to play a character who drives a story, it may become more commonplace.  I've never seen an aggressive campaign for the "lesser" of the two awards than I have with Hathaway.  Angelina Jolie and Cate Blanchett come to mind as the most recent examples of leading ladies using a supporting win to catapult their career (Rachel Weisz is a lower profile, case-in-point). Geena Davis had such a short run leading up to Thelma & Louise after she won, and only a few more years after that with headlining status (but, some may argue it was fancying herself an action heroine that did her film career in). For the most part, the category is for kids (Tatum O'Neal, Anna Paquin), character actresses (Brenda Ficker, Mercedes Ruehl), and leading ladies with one foot out the opening weekend door (Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellweger). You can almost hear the death knell of the latter announcing that their pinnacle has passed as they're handed a consolation prize: "Thank you for playing, but your work here is done for all intents and purposes."  But, when you compare Hathaway to Jolie, Blanchett, Weisz, and Davis, she has had more years of mainstream popularity leading up to her win. It was eleven years ago when audiences fell in love with the teenager in the hit The Princess Diaries. She segued into more adult roles by taking off her top in prestige picture Brokeback Mountain and managed to hitch herself to some lucrative franchises.  She has finally hit pay-dirt, thanks to her singing abilities, losing weight, and willingness to shave her head.  SHE SHAVED HER HEAD!  Surely, Hollywood won't let her go home empty handed and embarrass the poor thing.  She's been gunning for this for a while and has "winner" stamped on her forehead (you can't see it, because of the headdress).

But, will that be it for her?  Hathaway could go by way of two other supporting actress winners Jessica Lange and (former costar) Meryl Streep and continue on to a leading win somewhere along the road (but they too had less years behind them when they picked up their first win). In fact, she'll probably be the likeliest one to do it, after, say, Blanchett (or maybe Weisz).  Or perhaps marital life will turn her focus away from career.  But, still, when Jolie and company won their respective supporting awards, they were just getting started.  Jolie became a box-office draw unto herself, snagged a leading nomination, and then reaffirmed her presence as a bankable star.  Blanchett went on to three more nods, while simultaneously juggling her time as co-Artistic Director for the Sydney Theatre Company, as well as one of its leading ladies.  Weisz continues to take on challenging leading roles in little seen films like The Whisteblower and The Deep End of the Ocean.  And, Davis, having gone on to play Thelma, also headlined the baseball hit A League of Their Own.  History dictates that there is more in store of Hathaway.  Even Marisa Tomei got to drive the story in the big-budget rom-com Only You, before fading into the periphery where she then went on to score two more nods.  But, there's a promise in Hathaway's imminent win that seems to stretch beyond Steven Spielberg's Robopocalypse.  

Current perennial nominee Amy Adams

But, what about the women who are going to lose to Anne?  While it's a presumptuous question to ask, it is one that crossed my mind: How will they fare?  First, at second to the top of everyone's list is Amy Adams inevitable fourth nomination.  After seeing The Master, I'm actually surprised people feel so strong about her chances.  She was wonderful, but it's hardly the kind of performance that takes home awards.  Adams continues to display layers to her talent.  At age 38, some may say that the clock is ticking on her opportunities.  Or perhaps that's just my irrational projecting.  But, what, with more challenging and original material being produced less these years and by the sheer fact she is female, I will keep my fingers crossed for her.  If anything, it's an encouraging sign that she'll play Louis Lane to that hot piece of man that is ten years her junior, Henry Cavill.  I'm excited to see what their chemistry is like (it's one of the few remakes I plan on seeing next year).  And, with Zack Snyder directing and the fact that movie was made at the last minute to retain property rights, I hope the film isn't crap!  Rumors about an Enchanted sequel abound.  I'm not sure what the demand will be and if it will equate to box-office dollars.  While I don't begrudge Adams what is sure to be a hefty payday, I'm more concerned about whether the film will raise her profile and bankability, affording her continued access to the best scripts.  With the "death of the movie star," it strikes me that an Enchanted sequel might be all a wash.  She has a small part in the upcoming On the Road.  She also has roles in Spike Jonze's Her and first time director Andrew Levitas' Lullaby in the can.  She's also attached to a reunion with The Fighter director David O. Russell.  I'm thinking a nomination for The Master will certainly be a good thing for her these coming next couple years, though its sinking box-office numbers (after setting a record) won't increase her chances.  

Veteran Helen Hunt

I'm almost over my ridiculous hatred for Helen Hunt.  For years, her Best Actress win for As Good As It Gets bothered me.  There was just so much Try in that performance and her other work (especially that scene at the dinner table, where she scrunches her mouth while Jack Nicholson tries to pay her a proper compliment--or some shit like that, I don't remember).  But, the fact remains, out of the four, based on variables including performance, box-office taken, and where she was at in her career, she won fair and square.  She had the convenience of being on a popular TV show.  Some can make an argument for Judi Dench's Mrs. Brown.  But so many more people saw Hunt and loved her work, it only seemed right she should win.  Besides, in retrospect, five nods and one win later, Dench isn't doing so bad, is she?  A few others insist Helena Bonham-Carter should have won, but The Wings of a Dove put me asleep, I'm embarrassed to admit (And I paid to see it!).  I can't believe I'm rationalizing Hunt's win, but that's what I'm doing.  A whole lot of nothing came out of her Oscar, but it's not like she fell on her face.  She supported movies about men in the high-grossing Castaway and What Women Want.  And she chose to work with Robert Altman, Woody Allen, and an Oscar Wilde adaptation.  Her only mainstream lead after her win (Pay It Forward) was with a female director (Mimi Leder) at the helm.  She wrote and directed her own film, Then She Found Me.  She's knocking on 50's door, but, hopefully, a nomination will put her in some good company again and allow her to hone her craft, which she is endlessly passionate about.  It's quite clear.  Unless the film tanks, expect to be hearing more about Hunt.  Currently, she's finished filming Decoding Annie Parker starring Samantha Morton, and is connected to an Anton Checkhov-based film, as well as Matthew Carnahan's Serpent Girl.

Newcomer Samantha Barks

Hathaway's costar Samantha Barks has everywhere to go but down.  This newcomer was plucked out of obscurity for the role of Éponine.  But, that last name of hers ... doesn't seem so wise to keep it?  I'm sure she's heard it all before.  Judy Kuhn received Tony and Drama Desk nominations for her Éponine in the original broadway production.  Frances Ruffelle's Cosette won the Tony.  Patti LuPone's Fantine won the Laurence Olivier Award for the London Production and its the role that is getting the lion share of buzz for the film.  I'm not familiar enough with the show, however, pushing an unknown like Barks, based on noteriety alone might cast less shade on Hathaway's visage, then if someone more famous (and can open movies) like Amanda Seyfried were to get in the mix.  Kind of reminds me of the 2002 Best Actress race when Meryl Streep was left out of the final lineup for The Hours.  I'd put Barks in fourth for now, unless, of course, Les Misérables does turn out to be a huge turkey.  I'm thinking it won't.  

Jacki Weaver in her early 20s

Jacki Weaver was nominated a few years ago for her chilling performance as a crime matriarch in Animal Kingdom.  The film only made a cool $1M, but a strong campaign got her on the final short-list.  Since, she has scored work in The Five-Year Engagement and Jason Reitman's upcoming Labor Day starring Kate Winslet.  She is attached to Charlie Kaufman's Frank or Francis and will likely be playing opposite Shirley MacLaine in Howard Deutsch's Wild Oats.  Silver Lining's Playbook will keep the parts rolling in, as everyone seems to be walking about it, and TWC is sure to pull two or three acting nominations come Oscar time.  I imagine her in the fifth position for now, but is she not popular enough to warrant a second nomination?  

If Zero Dark Thirty sets the box-office on fire, Chastain
might be burning up the red carpet of the Dolby Theatre

Those are my calls presently for the category.  A nomination couldn't also hurt past winners like Maggie Smith, Sally Field, Frances McDormand, or Vanessa Redgrave, or veteran nominees like Pauline Collins or Helena Bonham Carter.  Annette Bening seems to always benefit a great deal from a mention.  And what red carpet would want to turn away Kerry Washington, Nicole Kidman (The Paperboy didn't have the most spectacular first weekend, however), or (a quiete possibly competitive) Jessica Chastain?  "New" names that could use a boost to their profile: Olivia Williams and newbie Ann Dowd.  No one saw the latter's much talked-about turn in Compliance, but it would be an interesting case study if her people could eke out a nod for her.  AD originally had prognosticated that she was a contender for leading actress, but has since wisely switched her to supporting.  The film currently has a 89% RT, 68% MC, and 6.6 IMDb, but only grossed 300k at the box-office.  It's still playing on screens in Los Angeles, though it has fallen off the latest box office tally.  This will have to be a case of fans rallying around her and pushing her chances with everything they got.

So, what if I'm wrong about Hathaway?  I'm not.  But, by some fluke, feel free to come back and feed me crow.  [10/7 UPDATE: Of course, I always tend to jump the gun and after a series of near-misses, Scarlett Johansson probably has the best chance of snagging a nod for the Hitchcock film.]

Ann Dowd could reap the greatest load
from all the potential nominees this year

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Anne Dreamed She Won an Oscar (for Lead)

Jennifer Lawrence has been in the industry for
less years than Anne Hathaway has on her in age and it is
Lawrence who is the odds-on favorite to win Best Actress and
Hathaway for Supporting Actress

I get chills watching the Les Misérables trailers. Do you?  The marketing team is truly superb. I don't know if this is old, or they've tinkered with it--the young Cosette blends into the musical's logo, which I thought was a recently added gimmick.  At any rate, Anne Hathaway kills it every time.  Haters are gonna hate, but this ho is taking the golden man home in February. Isn't that obvious at this point? I'm sure Amy Adams will put up a fight, but, bitch please, you can't stop the inevitable. However, I can't say that I'm *entirely* convinced she will be marketed as supporting. There is still like 2% doubt.  She has it in the bag in the "lesser" category, but what if we're looking at a truly weak leading field? I *know* her character is not lead and is missing from half the story, but ... never say never, right? I mean, come on! The way they've sold this movie so far is that it was made to crown Hathaway Hollywood's latest princess (or queen). I know, I know, I'm embarrassing myself. I need to let it go. I'm sure if I knew the musical, we wouldn't even be having this conversation (or monologue). It's just such a crazy year in the Best Actress race, I believe anything could happen. I'm almost convinced a BP nod is a done deal, ALMOST.  But, what if this film turns out to be as amazing as the trailers we've been barraged with?  But, I'll shut up about that (for now).  If you asked me who do I think, at this moment, the eventual nominees will be, I would say Silver Linings' Jennifer Lawrence is a given (her onscreen sibling casting opposite Julia Stiles is brilliant, no?).  Quevenzhané Wallis is also up there.  My views are Marion Cotillard's chances are thawing.  Keira Knightley is still holding on in fourth position.  I'd like to leave one slot for "surprise nominee/winner," but I'll go with Emmanuelle Riva, even if that means two French-speaking nominated performances.  There, that's my five (until probably tomorrow), though I don't really see Riva happening.  And the other four to support Anne during her coronation this 2013, along with Adams, will be Helen Hunt and two British ladies (as an homage to Hunt's 1997 win).  Let's say Maggie Smith and Hathaway's costar Samantha Barks.  Still, having Lawrence as the odds on favorite for lead and Hathaway's Oscar-grab for supporting is like if 1987 and 2008 crashed and the AMPAS told Kate Winslet's The Reader that she has to campaign for supporting while Cher took home the gold for Moonstruck.  Is it not?  Just a teensy little?  Okay, I'm done.

[9/26 UPDATE: Rope of Silicon just helped put the final nail in my obstinate coffin.  They also reminded me that Smashed was actually coming out this year, and yes, Mary Winstead is a player.  So perhaps bye-bye Riva.  I hadn't considered Helen Mirren and not sure if I will, though.]

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