Life Imitating Blair

Growing up, I watched a lion’s share of TV, specifically NBC sit-com’s.  I'm not bragging here; I’m sure it shows. Of course, being a gay kid in the 1980s, The Facts of Life was a given (along with Silver Spoons, Punky Brewster, The Cosby Show, Cheers, Family Ties, The Golden Girls, etc, the list is quite long).  The Peacock Network chief of programing Brandon Tartikoff (who is no longer with us, tragically dying of Hodgkin's disease at age 48, leaving behind a wife and two kids) was a genius, because he knew exactly the kind of crap my demographic would eat up, sometimes with the rest of our family.  Facts detailed the lives of a few teenagers at an all girl’s school who lived with the wise house marm Mrs. (Edna) Garrett (played by Charlotte Rae). Her shrill catch phrase was, “Girls, GIRLS!” One of the main characters, Blair Warner (played by Lisa Whelchel) was a rich, entitled bitch who spent her time talking about how much all the boys loved her like she was Snow White or something, while she combed her cascading blonde tresses. She spent the rest of her time judging people.  Needless to say, I worshipped her. She kind of reminded me of a girl I had a “crush” on in elementary/junior/high school (Take that for what you will.)  One of Blair's few redeeming qualities is how she stood by her cousin (played by Geri Jewell, who would, ironically, later come out as a lesbian; ironic, because, as I will explain later in this post), who dealt with having cerebral palsy.  Like most TV shows, it ended after exhausting its premise and most of the principal actors continued in the profession and got together for the occasional TV-reunion. However, Whelchel left the limelight, got married, settled down, and had children. She’s also a devout Christian and has vocally expressed her opinions when it comes to such topics as gay marriage (she's against it), often on her personal blog.

While she has remained out of the spotlight for most of these years since the end of her show, she recently chose to become one of the latest additions to the Survivor series. She is one of two (?) inconspicuous “celebrities” in a cast full of non-celebrities (incidentally, she, along with the other, baseballer Jeff Kent are both anti-gay). The gimmick is that some people have figured it out, and others (often too young to know The Facts of Life) haven’t. A self-professed fan of the series (she confesses that she has seen every season), it is quite apparent that Whelchel is tickled pink that she got on the show.  Having to deal with the assumption that fame always equals money, she says in a confessional that in the late 80s she made a lot of investments that turned up short. While it hadn’t been revealed in the first episode, word hit last week on the internets that she has also been going through a divorce after twenty-some-odd years. (Making sense that she would end up on this show: not only does she need the money, but she probably wouldn't have ever considered it an option unless her life changed drastically)  So, considering that she hasn’t made her living as an actor (outside of residuals, whatever they add up to), and she has mostly been a stay-at-home mom for over the last two decades, it’s not inconceivable that she is telling the truth and has seriously fallen on some hard times.

I don’t usually watch Survivor, but, given my familiarity with her popular character, I was curious about her presence on the show. I also rewatched the first five episodes of her old series in anticipation. Before the show proper--which most people are familiar with--where the four girls (Blair, Jo, Natalie, Tootie) attended Eastland Academy starting in the second season, it had actually been retooled from the first year. The setting was originally East Lake Academy. Instead of four girls, there were seven: Blair, Natalie, Tootie, Molly (played by one young Molly Ringwald four years before she was immortalized in John Hughes movies), Sue Ann, Nancy, and Cindy. The last one, Cindy, was, for all intents and purposes, a prototype for the second-season addition Jo. They were both extremely tomboyish in nature and had trouble integrating with the rest of the students, the only difference was their hair-color (Jo was a brunette) and Cindy was a bit softer in nature.  (Oddly enough, the first season had three very blonde characters, and it was as if there was only room for one and Blair took them out.)

If you’re familiar with Whelchel’s religious beliefs and how it informs her world vision, there is a scene in the pilot episode that is a bit self-fulfilling and a tad (just a smidge) chilling (IMO). The plot focuses on Cindy more or less and her inability to assimilate. Her interests are oriented more to a typical boy her age; however, on the contrary, she is very touchy-feely with the other girls. There’s nothing unnatural or wrong about it; she’s not molesting anyone or violating their space. It’s just how she expresses herself. She’s different from the norm, which makes her insecure. As a consequence, she has a greater need for intimacy and validation.

Well, don’t expect Blair to understand. In fact, when she witnesses Cindy (Julie Anne Haddock) embracing Sue Ann (Julie Piekarski) and telling her how much it meant to her for her friend to nominate her for Harvest Queen at the inter-school dance, Blair snidely busts in after Sue Ann trails off with, “Cindy, what’s wrong with you? ... All this touching and hugging girls and ‘I love you.’ *Boy*, are you *strange* … [Blair threatens] you better THINK about what you mean [by it]."  In Blair's distorted mind, 1) Cindy is a lesbian and 2) There would be something wrong and disgusting about that if she were.  The judgmental cunt then walks off shaking her head, leaving poor, confused Cindy to get down on herself even more than she already has been.  Of course, Whelchel is just playing a character, but she’s a little too convincing in retrospect, no? It’s perhaps meaningless, but interesting to note.  On a personal note, it reminds me of an incident in junior high, that probably wasn't that uncommon for gay teens in the 1980s (and before, and, sadly, after).

I don’t envy Whelchel's current life as she knew it coming apart and I am in no way mocking her predicament (things happen, and while some people mean ‘till death do us part,’ others simply don’t; and there is that nasty grey area of life and people changing, etc). For all I know, she was in it for the long haul (that’s what my instinct suggests). I just hope that, with the dissolution of her union, the irony of her views on marriage equality won’t be lost on her. And, I hope she goes a long way on Survivor. I’m strangely rooting for her, as most on her team have conspired against her and she has turned out to be an underdog.  Damn, she's still a bitch!  (But, this time, for making me empathize with her, even a little bit.)

Thank you to my friend (another) Cindy for alerting me to the news of her divorce.